When the DMV wouldn’t register my car because it wasn’t insured and I was not licensed, I told them I needed the registration to get the insurance to get my license reinstated, but they said it was a matter for the courts. I then decided everyone could go fuck themselves and that it would be cheaper to hire a lawyer to take care of the accidents and work my way back out of the pile of shit I was in.
That turned out to not be true. When I was thirteen I was hit by a car and after making the rounds, my fraudulent case landed on the desk of a shady lawyer who wouldn’t help me with any new cases. Apparently, I was somewhat of a junky douchebag and he didn’t want to get any more involved with me than he already had to. Left without options, I took matters into my own hands.
For a grand total of one hundred and twenty bucks, I opened up my own law office. Starting with a pager as a voicemail system and PO box as an address, I printed legal stationary and business cards using information I pulled off the website of the State Bar of California.
Banking on how most insurance companies back off when a lawyer is brought into the situation, I researched vehicle codes and California comparative fault laws. After putting some pretty convincing letters together (if I do say so myself), I sent them off via certified mail to the claims adjusters who tracked me down after finding out I had made and printed my own evidence of insurance that I presented in these accidents.
One by one, the calls stopped and started moving to the pager. Within a few months, all the accidents had been written off as losses by the insurance companies and the law office disappeared.
Years later, I found out pretending to be a licensed attorney was a felony. Personally, I think the bigger crime is the streamlining of inconvenience designed to push people away from the system and surrender to the groupthink that the system is working.
Not that I feel justified in what I did; I just don’t regret it.
B
Posted by Peanut Butter And Jealous 
