James was walking by my desk one day and said, “Sometimes, I just want to say something really mean to you.”
“Go ahead, but you’ll get it back.” I smiled and everyone laughed.
Not even three months had passed since I started at Sony and I was just starting to get the hang of everything. The politics were incredible and the rules were fluid. The producers I worked for were taking their first vacations in three years before starting another project and premiering the first one. It was a rare lull, but other productions were in full swing.
James worked in technology and his job was as unclear to me then as it is two years later. I just know that when something goes wrong, he’ll stare at me for a few minutes before asking me to try something that won’t work and then he disappears.
One day after a pancake run, James walked by my desk and said, “If you were any slower, you’d be going backwards.”
“No James, if I were going any slower, I’d be you.”
And that was how it began.
James would tell me how great it would be if I wasn’t there, and when he asked me where something was, I’d tell him I’d be more concerned about finding clothes that didn’t make him look like a homeless person if I were him.
James would ask me when my birthday was only to tell me no one cared anyway, and I would leave him post-it notes with things like:
“No one here likes you”
“You only have friends because they feel sorry for you.”
“Everyone here hopes you get fired”
“The problem is always you”
“Everything about you needs to change”
I would have a computer problem and James would come over and examine my machine, saying, “Oh, I see the problem. An idiot is using this machine. I’ll see if I can get it fixed.”
Production picked up and James and I became too busy to insult each other, which is kind of a shame.
But every once in a while, when it’s not expected, James gets an email from me in the form of a helpdesk ticket asking if it was ever taken care of. When he opens it, it reads:
Summary : No One Likes James
Status : PENDING
Priority : Medium
Description: After years at Sony, none of his colleagues like James. Post-its and emails to James informing him of how he needs to change have not helped. Please advise.
Thank you
B
“Go ahead, but you’ll get it back.” I smiled and everyone laughed.
Not even three months had passed since I started at Sony and I was just starting to get the hang of everything. The politics were incredible and the rules were fluid. The producers I worked for were taking their first vacations in three years before starting another project and premiering the first one. It was a rare lull, but other productions were in full swing.
James worked in technology and his job was as unclear to me then as it is two years later. I just know that when something goes wrong, he’ll stare at me for a few minutes before asking me to try something that won’t work and then he disappears.
One day after a pancake run, James walked by my desk and said, “If you were any slower, you’d be going backwards.”
“No James, if I were going any slower, I’d be you.”
And that was how it began.
James would tell me how great it would be if I wasn’t there, and when he asked me where something was, I’d tell him I’d be more concerned about finding clothes that didn’t make him look like a homeless person if I were him.
James would ask me when my birthday was only to tell me no one cared anyway, and I would leave him post-it notes with things like:
“No one here likes you”
“You only have friends because they feel sorry for you.”
“Everyone here hopes you get fired”
“The problem is always you”
“Everything about you needs to change”
I would have a computer problem and James would come over and examine my machine, saying, “Oh, I see the problem. An idiot is using this machine. I’ll see if I can get it fixed.”
Production picked up and James and I became too busy to insult each other, which is kind of a shame.
But every once in a while, when it’s not expected, James gets an email from me in the form of a helpdesk ticket asking if it was ever taken care of. When he opens it, it reads:
Summary : No One Likes James
Status : PENDING
Priority : Medium
Description: After years at Sony, none of his colleagues like James. Post-its and emails to James informing him of how he needs to change have not helped. Please advise.
Thank you
B
Posted by Peanut Butter And Jealous 
